Like many of my revelations are conceived, I was sitting in a Chicago coffee shop, marveling at my own splendor. Specifically, I was thumbing through all my great qualities and trying to figure out which was my favorite. Simultaneously, as I was reaching my conclusion, I happened to lay eyes on what could very well of been the most disturbing object I’ve ever seen; the “soul patch.”
I’m not sure what makes me angrier, the fact that they exist, or the fact that their allowed to exist. Let’s run a check list on both
Factors that cause them to Exist:
ü The ability to grow facial hair
ü The ability to shave systematic patches of hair from your face
ü The desire to shave systematic patches of hair from your face
ü The desire to shave systematic patches of hair from your face, with exception of a 2x2 box of hair placed perfectly square on your chin
Reasons why their allowed to Exist:
ü God hates us
ü God hates me specifically
ü God doesn’t exist
ü Chad Kroeger
But who cares? None of the above matters. The important thing, is that you know what to do if your confronted with a soul patch in real life. I've devised a little chart to help.
In conclusion. Sometimes things in life get hard. Sometimes, you see things that you just don't like. Take the comfort in the fact that you can always:
1) Run away from your problems
2) Drink Ammonia based household products
3) Poke fun at people that have gone through emotional hardships
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